May 2013
4 posts
Ideas I live by… Listen to the thoughts of others. Follow a true passion. Kindness will lead you far, but it shouldn’t be done for a gain. The best things happen to those who take risks. Sit down and complete a task diligently. Remember to play. Read. Read. Read. Write. Talk to those that are wiser in years. Be humble and let your work speak for itself. Travel. Take care of your...
Dear New York,
Dear New York, It’s not perfect here, but I love you because I simply do. Every cobble stoned ebbing pathway, every bridge towering magnificently over the flowing rivers, every giant brushing against the midnight sky lighting up the twinkling milky way, every changing of the beat drifting from multiple ajar bar doors, every gusting of wind whirling down the snow swirling streets, every warm...
I can’t breathe.
I can’t do my work.
I can’t get out of bed.
I can’t stop my heart from hurting.
I hate love.
April 2013
6 posts
No one can afford college
Sometimes you’re just trying to make it fit and it just doesn’t work at all.
Sometimes you think it fits and the other part says, “No thanks”.
And sometimes you just aren’t trying at all.
When should you try and when are you giving up because you are just too scared to try?
When do the good people catch a break?
in life someone comes and breaks you
I don’t know how to fix it
And I will never be happy.
March 2013
4 posts
It scares me that the world is so small. I ran into her on the train as she was about to run off to dance covered in body paint. Today I find out that you were there to judge and watch. Why does god do these things?
How much do I make?
It’s not a secret. 45k is what all NYC teachers start off with. I don’t mind telling you how much I make at all! The amount I make does not define who I am, but why does it define who I am to you?
“7 weeks since our first date…
He asked if we are in love and after some...”
February 2013
2 posts
Can you feel life bursting? Bold, young, carefree, revelry 22 is mine :)
Anton: when was the last time you had a legit boyfriend?
Jan: lol
4 years ago
he cheated on me
the end
Anton: =/
Jan: yeah
its really hard to get close to people after that
Anton: that explains a lot of things
about you I mean
It's hard to explain.
Jan: hmm
Anton: TO ME it looks like
you're very playful and fun loving
and like to mess around with guys
but
thats sort of like
a facade? to not let anyone get too close
does that make sense?
Jan: you nailed it Anton.
January 2013
10 posts
mustbang:
DO YOU EVER GET SUCH A NICE MESSAGE THAT YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND AND YOU KEEP REWRITING YOUR REPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN’T ARTICULATE THE GRATITUDE YOU FEEL FOR IT AND HOW MUCH LOVE YOU FEEL FOR THE PERSON WHO SENT IT AND YOU JUST
1 tag
I have my dreams,
my dreams.
I share, I hide.
I jolt awake.
sober, somber, sundae.
November 2012
3 posts
“Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all...”
– Ayn Rand
October 2012
28 posts
Last night I had a dream that I was a little drunk and I met some of his friends. We were getting along well. We all ended up at my house. There were two twin sized beds and I was passing out. The girls decided to take one bed. He mentions something about having a boyfriend and even as I am passing out I manage to tell him clearly that I do not have a boyfriend. He seems surprised about this. He...
My conversation with a Yale grad. He was accepted...
Him: I know right now, everything seems so unfair. You need to study, all to get compared with other people. Your future is dependent mostly on whether you go to this school, major in this thing, receive this much money, or get this job. I know. I was there, I was you. Studying my ass off for an easier life. You're told that everything right now is the most important, that you need to get As, go to a great college, have an amazing job, generate immense revenue, therefore become happy. But, there's just on thing that I failed to understand. And let me tell you, there are barely any things that I do not understand. Yet, I have no idea why I'm not happy. From a young age, you're told to take these steps and if you succeed, you'll reach happiness. It's not true. I've done every step every mother would tell her child to do, to become, but here I am, unhappy. After many years of trying to find where I went wrong, I realized that I had been looking in the completely wrong place.
Me: Then where do you look?
Him: At your friends. Your relationships. Your family. Your coworkers, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your social life. Many of the richest men in the world aren't happy, why? Because they spent all their lives trying to achieve happiness in the wrong place. You have a ton of money, great. But in the end, we're all sitting in our rocking chairs, and nobody cares who had the most money or who went to the best college. It's about who had the most fun. Who had the most people to look after them, who had the most to look after. The happiest are the ones that have people to call in times of trouble, the ones that had the time to spend with their family and feel all that love. That's what people lack! Love. When you're on your deathbed, everything doesn't matter anymore you see. You'd want people that love you to be around you, to be comforting you, to tell you about all the great things you did for people. You don't want to be alone, with what? A degree? Cash that will never be used? Nobody ever says "wow, I went to a great college and therefore I'm satisfied" in the end. Only the lucky ones get to say "wow, I was surrounded by love my whole life. My time on this earth was beautiful."
Me:
Him: But you know, I'm not telling you not to get into a great college or not to do any of the things society tells you to. Go for it, it pays off! It doesn't give you happiness but it takes a lot of stress off your shoulders. All I'm saying is don't make it your everything. If you don't get in somewhere good, don't stress about it. As long as you're okay with the people around you, you're going to be fine. I'm sure of it. Priorities change in the end. We're only people.
Real Talk: Mitt has scary shifty eyes and the smirk of a Disney villian.
I’m feeling really sick.
I can’t ask for the same help back.
“Because it’s not the disappointments that stick, but the nights and afternoons and the few remarkable mornings on Christopher Street, on Bleecker, on Bowery, on Tenth Avenue, on University Place, on East 92nd Street, on Vanderbilt, on St. Mark’s, at Washington Square. Because every corner of the city is cobbled with her footsteps and haunted by your younger ghosts. Because even her body is...
Listen
I don’t know if he’s evil or just truly sad and dying inside.
If he was evil I would feel better about it. My anger would be justified if he truly is a sociopath, but the compassionate foolish part of me wonders if he is just sad inside.
I feel terrible thinking that he might just be alone and sad. I feel terrible thinking that he might have came back after all this time because he...
Jan:
I've always liked being alone on a train
cause I felt like no one noticed me
I just blend right in
it was nice to be some where that no one knows me
no one could judge me
Seo:
i dont like the train anymore, people look at me funny
Jan:
yeah, i noticed
a lady skecthing me today
it made me feel odd
Jan:
because before i noticed
i was hanging on to the bar
and resting my head on my arm
and thinking intently about something
it made me feel odd
like did this woman notice the emotion on my face?
it just felt like such a sad posture to sketch
seo:
sad can be beautiful
add a tear and it makes it like 10 times more powerful
lol
Jan:
lol
i guess im not used to people seeing me as anything but happy
or im not comfortable with it
when youre not happy
people see you as weak
but i feel like sadness can be beautiful and add a bit of humility to a person
but the word loves to eat up the people that are sad
1 tag
“Beautiful women are invisible…we never actually see the person. We see the beautiful shell. We are blocked by the beauty barrier….We are so dazzled by the outside that we never make it inside.”
Sang Karaoke tonight.
I love Professor R. He has wispy thin hair, which provides him with a classic midlife bald spot, and a pudgy stomach that rests above short thin legs. He is always so easy to talk to; the man is dorkishly friendly, patiently polite and humbly knowledgeable. He is the quintessential caring park slope daddy to a little boy and girl of mixed korean and white blood. And thanks to his fatherly duties...
Do the good suffer more?
I’m reading a book called, “Conversations With God” and it says that everything bad that exists is because we want it to exist. We let it exist and that for goodness to be experienced badness has to exist. We wouldn’t be able to understand the experience of good if the badness did not exist.
So, it makes me wonder, is there so much hurt and evil being thrown at me because to reach my...
I just want to cry while my grandmother holds me.
I am too gentle to live among wolves.
