“Life, with its rules, its obligations, and its freedoms, is like a sonnet: You’re given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself.”—Madeleine L’Engle, A Wrinkle in Time (via daisydandelions)
“Mamihlapinatapai: is a word from the Yaghan language of Tierra del Fuego, listed in The Guinness Book of World Records as the “most succinct word”, and is considered one of the hardest words to translate. It refers to “a look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start.”—
“you know how people say they don’t care about what other people think? Well i HONESTLY don’t care. That’s why I’m so open/crazy/free. I can be studious, I can be a party child, I can be a mom, I can be a baby. I can’t be labeled, I can’t be put in a box. IM DOWN TO JUST BE ME. I’ll do what I want, the way I want and frankly it’s because I know the only person’s thoughts that matter are my own. (disclaimer: I love my friends and their input and ideas are always important)”—jan
Gotta finish my student teaching portfolio and get my lesson plans done.
Going to a Prada party at the met museum on Tuesday.
Life is really headed my way
I wish I was spending more time with you. I wish I could tell you that I miss you. You hit me up the other day and said that we should hang out. I said “aw, sure”. Yea, I guess I’m trying to hold back a little. Don’t wanna get wrapped up in a world of you again.
It is May 11, 2012. I just woke up from a dream by bursting out in tears. I reached up and felt them went on my cheeks and I felt my heart shaking.
It started off at Fahima’s house. I was helping her sister put on a sari. (I have no clue how to put one on but in the dream I did). Her sis and mother was were making were talking to be like usual.
I ended up as an audience member at a talk show. I’m not sure exactly what it was, but it was a classy/trendy event. Very devils wears prada. Looks like they were having a lot of fun together.
I was working at a magazine. I had my own desk and everyone loved me.
I’m with Kamar on an adventure. He shares his drank with me.
I saw a new young couple have their first kiss. It their perfect moment came and went and i felt a tinge in my heart. They can never get that first kiss back.
I at Brooklyn Tech with some friends. We were all just sitting around when Principal A**** came up to my friends and told them that he wouldn’t be able to pay the 70 dollars he owes them from the bet they made the other day. My friends were disappointed but they said, “Ok” and he walked away. But I jumped up and asked them what was going on. They explained to me that they had made a bet with Asher and he lost but now he wasn’t going to be able to pay it back because the school budget was too low. “What do you mean there is no money in the budget?” I’m going to talk to him. They urge me not to and that its not a big deal. I said, “If you guys lost, then you guys would be REQUIRED to pay up the money. I’m gonna talk to him.”
I start off confronting, “What do you mean there is no money in the budget?”
He explains in a calm and quick manner that we ran out of money and hurries away to another table of students.
I run after him and hear him saying the same story to those students. Again, I confront him, “Why are you using budget money to pay back a simple bet with your students? Shouldn’t this money be coming from your pocket?”
Again he avoids me.
Now I make a scene. I burst out crying, and yell, “I love this school and there is no way that I am letting you take money away from the school”
Other teachers came into the room to ask what the problem was. And I continued crying and explaining what was happening.They all turned their heads to look at him. He was exposed.
I sometimes look at pictures that I took of us years ago. I miss having someone that makes me as happy as you did. I remember it was raining outside and I really wanted to have a picnic so we had one on the living room floor. You wore your boxers and I hardly wore anything at all. I never knew it would be so hard to find someone to replace you. It was one of the simplest and happiest times of my life, thanks for the memories.
“Jan was back in the game! Pure, raw, explosive pleasure! Better than
drugs, better than smack! Better than a
… Better than sex, head, 69, orgies, masturbation, tantrism, Kama Sutra
or Thai doggy-style! Better than banana milkshakes! Better than George
Lucas’s trilogy, the muppets and 2001! Better than Emma Peel, Marilyn,
Lara Croft and Cindy Crawford’s beauty mark! Better than the B-side to
Abbey Road, Jimmy Hendrix and the first man on the moon! Space Mountain,
Santa Claus, Bill Gates’ fortune, the Dalai Lama, Lazarus raised from
the dead! Schwarzenegger’s testosterone shots, Pam Anderson’s lips!
Woodstock, raves… Better than Sade, Rimbaud, Morrison and Castaneda!
Better than freedom, better than life!”—
I just had a conversation with an old friend from hs that I haven't talked to in 4 years. In his mind I still exist as the 17 year old Jan. I really have forgotten who I am. I forgot what it's like to walk down the hall way and have boys swoon. I forgot what its like to feel sexy and be unattainable. I forgot what it's like to not have a broken heart. Somewhere in between my heart getting crush and all the work I forgot who I am. I'M THE SWEET PRETTY FUNNY POPULAR GIRL! It really meant a lot to hear his kind words and have him remind me of the shadows of who I am.
ur not crazy ur da efffffing bomb
tell that to the guys that cheat one me
and reject me
theyre fucking idiots
have no idea wat they got
man you were the prettiest girl in highschool
wat kind of idiots did u start hanging out with?
ughhhh all the beautiful girls meet retards
no ones betters come around
i really miss hs me
i dont feel sexy anymore
i got crushed
u dont feel sexy anymore? r u kidddding
ur the girl who wud get up in class n all eyes wud b on ur bum
ud walk in n wed follow it till u sat down
i dont think that happens anymore
its like the min i like someone back
they dont like me anymore
im sorry its the way it is
i really am
i never imagined it this way for you
i honestly thought u wud always get wat u want
n u wud have alredy found that perfect guy
the pretty girls always get snatched up first
and then pretty AND fun to be around?
you shudnt be single for a SECOND
u saying these things reminds me that I really have forgotten who i am
“Six seconds passed, and then he growled, “No, but what you respond to in any work of art is the artist’s struggle against his or her limitations.”—Kurt Vonnegut, from A Man Without a Country (thanks, flowerpickingrobot)
I think one of the reasons I didn’t go into business is because I knew that selfishness is part of the game. In teaching there is no cheating, no easy way. I come in everyday, I share knowledge and get paid for my time. There is no lying to anyone or stabbing anyone to get ahead.